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Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2017 4:34 pm -
The Christmas Tree
The real trick isn't picking the right tree. It's getting it inside your home. But with our 15-point plan, you'll be trimming in no time.
1)Cut the cords that bind the tree to the roof of your car. Allow them to snap back and strike you in the eye.
2)Curse
3)Slowly pull the tree toward you.
4)Wobble under its weight for a few seconds, then fall down.
5)Curse
6)Stand up and notice the fresh scratches on the roof of your car.
7)Curse
8)Drag the tree to your front door. Spend 15 minutes figuring out how to open the door while simultaneously getting the tree through it.
9)Drag the tree away from the door so that you can enter with the tree facing the right direction.
10)Once inside, fill the tree stand with water.
11)Knock all the water out of the tree stand because you forgot to wait to fill the tree stand until after putting the tree in it.
12)Curse
13)Your tree should no be in the stand. Notice the fallen needles that have reduced your tree to half the size it was when you bought it.
14)Down seven cups of eggnog to settle your nerves.
15)Slur your curses
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