August, 2015 Post A Joke Contest Closed 01 Aug 2015

OrangeCrush

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 20 Dec 2003

Posts: 20147

Location: In heaven

2000
1
0

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 3:48 am August, 2015 Post a Joke Contest CLOSED

Hello Crushers!!!

As many of you know ... one of my favorite things to do is laugh and I would love it if you'd play along and post some jokes for us all to laugh at.

Please try to keep them fairly clean and please do not take any offense to the jokes, we're just trying to have fun.

I'll grab a few links for you to choose some jokes from then just copy and paste them here ok?

I'll start this off with this one I just found

I could of used this a LOT when I was going to school. LOL

A student walks up to his teacher ...

-Student: "Teacher, would you blame someone for something that they didn't do?"

-Teacher: "No of course not. I would never do that."

-Student: "Good, because I didn't do my homework."

LOL

You may enter this contest as many times as you would like to however, please do not post twice in a row UNLESS you want too. LOL

This contest will end August 15th, 2015 and everyone that makes a post will have their name placed into a random drawing where we will give away 2 x $5 prizes.

RULES

1. All members making a post will be placed into a random drawing where we will be giving away 2 x $5 prizes for 500 cc points. Feel free to make more than 1 post if you'd like, however please allow someone to post in between your posts please. You must have 500 cc points in order to redeem for cash, if you don't have 500 cc points, you will be awarded 500 cc points to redeem the next contest you win.

2. You will need to advise us which payment method you prefer.

3. This contest will end August 15th, 2015 and the winners will be announced.

Good Luck Crushers!!!

Happy Gaming Always!

OrangeCrush

*Crushers we would like to get more people to join CC. The more members, the more money generated, the more money we can pay out for our contests.

So if you like this contest please either share it on Facebook or Twitter or both please.

This is also a very good way to get extra clicks for the Link Us Up Contest too!!!

Here's How to Link up with Facebook:

On the left hand side of this page, towards top left hand corner, there is a "like" button for Facebook..all you have to do is click the "like" button and it will direct you to log into Facebook and voila you are done..You're "liked post" will be on your Facebook Timeline..

Here's How to Tweet:

On the left hand side of page, towards top left hand corner there is a "like" button for Twitter (right below Facebook lol) .. all you have to do is click the "like" button and it will direct you to log into Twitter and you are done.

Thank you Crushers!!!
_________________

Last edited by OrangeCrush on Sat Aug 15, 2015 6:41 am; edited 3 times in total

pevangel

Gold Dollar Crusher

Gender:

Joined: 15 Jan 2004

Posts: 1885

Location: Florida

2000
0
11

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 7:47 pm -

https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcThov7WRb-Qmw1g3LLNkpfmwzf9vWwf9kQkmq4BHTO9p45GecmQm6ANdg
_________________

pevangel

Gold Dollar Crusher

Gender:

Joined: 15 Jan 2004

Posts: 1885

Location: Florida

2000
0
11

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 7:51 pm -

omg did not copy image so sorry. will try another.
_________________

pevangel

Gold Dollar Crusher

Gender:

Joined: 15 Jan 2004

Posts: 1885

Location: Florida

2000
0
11

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 7:53 pm -

To surprise her husband, an executive's wife stopped by his office.

When she opened the door, she found him with his secretary sitting in his lap.

Without hesitating, he dictated, "And in conclusion, gentlemen, budget cuts or no budget cuts, I cannot continue to operate this office with just one chair."
_________________

pevangel

Gold Dollar Crusher

Gender:

Joined: 15 Jan 2004

Posts: 1885

Location: Florida

2000
0
11

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 7:56 pm -

The Blonde and the Blinker

Two blondes were driving down the road.

The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''
_________________

win4maw

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 26 Jan 2004

Posts: 12518

Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA

2000
0
0

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 8:11 pm -

Two hunters got a pilot to fly them into the far north for elk hunting. They were quite successful in their venture and bagged six big bucks. The pilot came back, as arranged, to pick them up. They started loading their gear into the plane, including the six elk. But the pilot objected and he said, "The plane can only take four of your elk; you will have to leave two behind." They argued with him; the year before they had shot six and the pilot had allowed them to put all aboard. The plane was the same model and capacity. Reluctantly, the pilot finally permitted them to put all six aboard. But when the attempted to take off and leave the valley, the little plane could not make it and they crashed into the wilderness.

Climbing out of the wreckage, one hunter said to the other, "Do you know where we are?"

"I think so," replied the other hunter. I think this is about the same place where we landed last year!"
_________________

Shirlsplay

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 30 Jun 2005

Posts: 27955

Location: Reno,Nevada

2000
0
0

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 8:19 pm -

What did the fish say when he hit a wall??

Dam

_________________

linnie16

Silver Dollar Crusher

Gender:

Joined: 12 Jul 2006

Posts: 525

Location: Canada

2000
0
0

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 9:38 pm -

The owner of a golf course is confused about paying an invoice, so he decides to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and says, 'You graduated from the University of Tennessee and I need some help. If I were to give you $20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?'

The secretary thinks a moment, and replies, 'Everything but my earrings
_________________

Bower50

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 03 Jun 2006

Posts: 6058

Location: Canada

2000
0
0

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 9:49 pm -

We had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a "large" enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, "Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower." I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, "NO, it's not." Four is larger than two.." We haven't used Sears repair since.
_________________

gjr1961

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 31 Aug 2006

Posts: 10428

Location: Minnesota

2000
0
0

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 11:01 pm -

The Proposal

He was a widower and she a widow. They had known each other for a number of years being high school classmates and having attended class reunions in the past without fail.

This 60th anniversary of their class, they had a wonderful evening, their spirits high. The widower throwing admiring glances across the table. The widow smiling coyly back at him.

Finally, he picked up courage to ask her, "Will you marry me?"

After about six seconds of careful consideration, she answered, "Yes,..... yes I will!"

The evening ended on a happy note for the widower. But the next morning he was troubled. Did she say "Yes" or did she say "No?" He couldn't remember. Try as he would, he just could not recall. He went over the conversation of the previous evening, but his mind was blank.

He remembered asking the question but for the life of him he could not recall her response. With fear and trepidation he picked up the phone and called her. First, he explained that he couldn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviewed the past evening.

As he gained a little more courage he then inquired of her, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No?'

"Why you silly man, I said 'Yes. Yes I will.' And I meant it with all my heart."

The widower was delighted. He felt his heart skip a beat.

Then she continued. "And I am so glad you called because I couldn't remember who asked me!"

***I had to post this one cuz I'm almost there myself...LOL
_________________

Shirlsplay

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 30 Jun 2005

Posts: 27955

Location: Reno,Nevada

2000
0
0

Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2015 11:04 pm -

I used to think the brain was the most important organ. Then I thought, look what’s telling me that.

_________________

win4maw

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 26 Jan 2004

Posts: 12518

Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA

2000
0
0

Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2015 12:51 am -

Little Johnny... The Birds and the Bees

Previous Next
Little Johnny's father asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees.

"I don't want to know!" Little Johnny says, bursting into tears.

Confused, his father asks what's wrong.

"Oh, Dad," Little Johnny sobs, "first, there was no Santa Claus, then no Easter Bunny, and finally, no Tooth Fairy. If you're about to tell me that grownups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to believe in."
_________________

OrangeCrush

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 20 Dec 2003

Posts: 20147

Location: In heaven

2000
1
0

Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2015 1:53 am -

ROFLMAOOOOOO Great Jokes Everyone!!!

Patty your blonde blinker joke reminds me of my g/f's daughter. She was taking her blonde daughter out to practice driving. Deb told her to make a left turn and she asked up or down ... LOL (for all you blondes out there, the lever goes up and down LOL) True story LOL

------

A young woman married and had 13 children. Her husband died. She soon married again and had 7 more children. Again, her husband died. But she remarried and this time had 5 more children. Alas, she finally croaked.

Standing before her coffin, the preacher prayed to the Lord above, thanking him for this loving woman who fulfilled his commandment to Go forth and multiply.

In his final eulogy, he noted, Thank you, Lord, they are finally together.

Leaning over to his neighbor, one mourner asked, Do you think he means her first, second or third husband?

The other mourner then replied, I think he means her legs.

LOL

_________________

Shirlsplay

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 30 Jun 2005

Posts: 27955

Location: Reno,Nevada

2000
0
0

Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2015 2:43 am -

Q: What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish?
A: Every morning you'll rise and shine!

_________________

NonoNanette

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 26 Sep 2004

Posts: 13719

Location: Upstate New York, USA

2000
0
0

Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2015 12:54 pm -

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect desert camping and riding trip.
Two days before the group is to leave Rob's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Rob's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Rob sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and supper cooking on the fire.
"Dang man, how long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?"
I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over. She had on the bed, handcuffs and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said, "now, you can do what ever you want."
So here I am
_________________