May, 2014 Post A Joke Contest Winners Announced

OrangeCrush

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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 3:56 am
May, 2014 Post a Joke Contest WINNERS ANNOUNCED

Hello Crushers!!!

It seems like its been quite a while since we've shared some jokes here.

I love to laugh and hope you do too. Please join me in posting some jokes this month.

Please try to keep them fairly clean and please do not take any offense to the jokes, we're just trying to have fun.

I'll grab a few links for you to choose some jokes from then just copy and paste them here ok?

I'll start this off with:

A purple man has a purple wife. They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!" LOL

The next poster will post their joke.

You may enter this contest as many times as you would like to however, please do not post twice in a row UNLESS you want too. LOL

This contest will end May 31st, 2013 and everyone that makes a post will have their name placed into a random drawing where we will give away 3 x 2,000 cc point prizes.

RULES

All members making a post will be placed into a random drawing where we will be giving away 3 x 2,000 cc point prizes. Feel free to make more than 1 post if you'd like, however please allow someone to post in between your posts please.

This contest will end May 31st, 2013 and the winners will be announced.

Good Luck Crushers!!!

Happy Gaming Always!

OrangeCrush

*Crushers we would like to get more people to join CC. The more members, the more money generated, the more money we can pay out for our contests.

So if you like this contest please either share it on Facebook or Twitter or both please.

This is also a very good way to get extra clicks for the Link Us Up Contest too!!!

Here's How to Link up with Facebook:

On the left hand side of this page, towards top left hand corner, there is a "like" button for Facebook..all you have to do is click the "like" button and it will direct you to log into Facebook and voila you are done..You're "liked post" will be on your Facebook Timeline..

Here's How to Tweet:

On the left hand side of page, towards top left hand corner there is a "like" button for Twitter (right below Facebook lol) .. all you have to do is click the "like" button and it will direct you to log into Twitter and you are done.

Thank you Crushers!!!

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Last edited by OrangeCrush on Sun Jun 08, 2014 6:53 pm; edited 2 times in total

webdeb
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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 4:18 am
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This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex.

He asked how often you should have it.

His grandfather told him,

"when you first get married, you want it all the time...and maybe you'll do it several times a day.

Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so.

Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.

When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year like maybe on your anniversary.

The young fellow then asked his grandfather,

"Well how about you and Grandma now?"

His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."

"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.

"Well," Grandpa said,

"She goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to bed in my bedroom.

She yells, 'Screw You',

and I holler back, 'Screw You too!'

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OrangeCrush

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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 4:27 am
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LMAO I hope I NEVER get that old LMAOOOO

Cowboy Earl and Betty are senior citizens. Well Earl has always wanted and expensive pair of Alligator Boots

Seeing them on Sale one day he buys a pair and wears them home "Hey Betty y'all notice anything different about me?" "What's different? Its' the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants" "whats different?" frustrated Earl goes into the bathroom undresses, and comes out completely naked wearing only his new boots "hey Betty y'all notice anything different now?" "whats different Earl? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and will be hanging down tomorrow!" Angrily Earl yells "y'all know why it's hanging down? Cos its looking at my new rootin tootin boots!" Betty replies "Well then you should've bought a damn hat!"

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CATLICKER
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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 5:32 am
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One day grandpa says to grandma "Why don’t we go to the motel like we used to do when we were young and get kinky?" So they get to the motel and go into the room. Grandpa takes off his glasses and says he going to get into the shower to freshen up. In the meantime grandma takes off her clothes and gets into bed. She decides to do some leg stretches to limber up ( it’s been awhile ). Well she throws her legs over her head and they get caught in the headboard. Right then grandpa walks out of the bathroom and sees her that way. "My God woman" he says "you need to put your teeth in and comb your hair, you look like an asshole!"

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OrangeCrush

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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 5:50 am
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LOL that's bad!!! LOL

What do you get when you cross a horse and a donkey?

A half-ass joke.

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OrangeCrush

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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 6:18 am
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LOL Looks like I'm stuck in the 70's LOL

I know tmi LOL

So a Rabbi with a frog on his shoulder walks into a bar...

...and the bartender says: "That's awesome! Where'd you get one of those?"

And the frog says "Brooklyn! There's hundreds of em!"

*credit to Robin Williams for the joke lol

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CATLICKER
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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 8:00 am
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A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You sl*t! How many is a brazilian?"

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queenmap
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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 2:57 pm
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OMG these are all so funny!

Bathroom Troubles

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."

The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."

Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."

**Thank God not me yet**

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luckyirishgirl
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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 3:48 pm
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A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

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Bower50

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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 4:25 pm
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Advice From Men To Women

...Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'

...If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.

...Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.

...Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

...Please don't drive when you're not driving.

...Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.

...The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave. He's just not crying. Big difference!

...When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.

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HeffeLamon
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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 4:38 pm
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HEY ! Watch it ! i'm purple

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sisters
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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 4:53 pm
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Hi,

Why is 6 afraid of 7??

Because 7, 8 , 9

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win4maw
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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 5:05 pm
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I think that I'm a chicken

PandaPsychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!

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starfire
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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 10:13 pm
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Once upon a time, a beautiful baby girl was born. She was perfect in every way except for one, she had a silver screw in place of her belly button. Her parents decided that aside from their parish priest, no one must ever know of their child's abnormality.

This precious baby grew into a beautiful young girl. But she felt so alone and isolated because of her deformity. Her parents would never allow her to go to slumber or pool parties, for fear that their dark secret would be discovered.

One day, during her confessional audience with the parish priest, she told him of her sadness. that she wished she could be just like all the other young girls.

The parish priest replied to her that God gave her a silver screw for a reason. If she truly felt as she said, then she must find a private secluded place to pray to God and ask him to help her.

Upon arriving back home, the young girl quickly changed, then went for a bike ride in search of a secluded place to pray. She found a beautiful spot along the river. There was a majestic silver birch tree on a small hill that overlooked the river. She quickly got off her bike and sat under the tree canopy and began to pray for God's help.

For many years, the girl returned to the same spot, hoping that God would hear her prayer, but nothing happened.

On the day of her 18th birthday, she once again returned to the silver oak. She kneeled under the tree and looked up to the heavens.

"Please Lord, I have prayed to you for many years. Please help me to be a normal young women. No man will want to marry me because of this silver screw. Please help me."

The young girl sat under the tree for a while and quickly fell into a deep sleep.

Suddenly, two large silver clouds appeared in the sky and came together. From the silver clouds came a silver ladder. On the silver ladder was a silver angel. In the silver angel's hand was a silver screw driver.

The silver angel descended from the silver ladder a walked over to the girl, who was still fast asleep. Gently, the angel lifted the girl's shirt just enough to see the silver screw. Then with the silver screw driver, the silver angel removed the screw. Quietly, she whispered into the girl's ear, "God has heard your prayers my child." The silver angel then got up and walked back to the ladder and stepped up onto the first rung. The silver ladder then ascended back up into the silver clouds, where it disappeared. The silver clouds then separated and vanished.

The young girl slowly started to awaken. " I must have been dreaming. I could have sworn I heard someone speaking to me.

Looking at her watch, she realized how long she had been gone, then noticed her shirt was slightly raised. As she proceeded to adjust her shirt, she quickly saw that the silver screw was gone! She had a belly button!! " Thank you God!" she yelled out to the sky.

Laughing, the girl jumped up for joy and her a$$ fell off!

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Bower50

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Posted: Thu May 01, 2014 10:50 pm
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Two 90-year-olds had been dating for some time, when the man told the woman, "I think it's time we had sex, don't you agree?" The old woman agrees and the two make love that afternoon.

Afterward, as they are lying in bed, the man thinks to himself, "My God, if I had known that she was a virgin, I would have been much more gentle!"

Meanwhile, the woman was thinking to herself, "My God, if I had known that the old geezer could really get it up, I would have taken off my pantyhose."

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