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Posted: Mon Mar 16, 2009 6:01 pm What Really Happened to the Cat in the Hat
I wrote this a og time ago after my kids drove me nuts with the Dr. Suess book "The Cat in the Hat". I guess it was my twisted way of letting off some steam LOL
What Really Happened to the Cat in the Hat
Do you know the story
Of the Cat in the Hat?
Well I'll tell you, there's no good
when a cat's got a hat.
The evil old cat
came to my door one cold and wet day
And despite my despair
He would not go away.
Even when I slugged him
in his tooth with my fist,
he sailed right on in,
and said "That's not nice.", with a lisp.
He dragged in his box,
with Thing One and Thing Two.
I knew not what to say,
But I knew what to do.
I reached to the closet,
and grabbed up my bat.
Then I swung really hard,
at the Cat in the Hat.
I hit him once in the arm,
and then in the foot.
I screamed that I hated
his stupid old book.
Thing One and Thing Two
had just gotten out,
as the cat held his arm,
and sat with a pout.
They tore up my house,
and said it was fun.
That was until,
They noticed my gun.
They both started screaming
then they started to run,
I fired both barrels shouting,
"NOW THIS IS FUN!!"
They ducked and the dogged,
and they both tried to scatter.
But it didn't take long
till Thing One was a splatter.
My gun got a jam
but I still had my bat
So I chased down Thing Two
and hit him, KER-SPLAT!
Well that Cat in Hat
was really quited pissed,
when I came after him
and I swung...and I missed!
He snatched up my bat
and said "How do you do!"
"I'll get you back,
for Thing One and Thing Two!"
I ran and I screamed
and I dodged out the back,
and grabbed from a stump
my trusty old axe.
I hid 'round the corner
and when he ran by,
I chopped that old cat,
quite hard, in the thigh.
He tripped and he sumbled,
and he fell to the ground.
So I pulled up my axe,
and brought it around.
It came down hard,
and It came down fast
I had stoped his stupid rhyming,
finally, AT LAST!
I dug a big hole,
six feet in the ground.
Where a headless cat sleeps,
forever quite sound.
My kids are now grown,
I'm done with that book.
When grandkids come by
I show them the hat on the hook
Then I tell them about
that nasty old cat,
and what really happened
to the Cat in the Hat
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