Roflmao Contest Closed Winner Announced

*UPDATED RULES OF THIS CONTEST (I'm a woman and I changed my mind ok? lol) https://www.casino-crush.com/bb2/here-vp31842.html#31842

Hello Crushers! In staff meeting monday we all decided we were going to make July our "Official Joke Month". (Actually we have all worked together for such a long time that, we've already heard all of our jokes)lol So Crushers, we need some new jokes, some new material pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeee.

We want you to crack us up, have us rolling in the aisles, make our sides hurt from laughter. Tears rolling down our cheeks, belly busting, cross our legs because we have to goooooooooooooo laughter. lol

Soooooo Crushers are you up for this? Give us your best, your funniest, show us your humor, your wit, make us blow soda pop out of our noses, lol give us your best gambling related jokes or stories. We are sooooo desperate for jokes that starting on Friday July 8th, 11th, 13th, 15th, 18th, 20th, 22nd, 25th, 27th and on July 29th we will give away a $30 Neteller account for the funniest joke or story submitted. Please remember to also place a banner in your post. (only 1 prize of $30.00 per member per month for this contest will be allowed)

Crushers please remember we are family here so no jokes that will be offensive.

TERMS FOR WINNING A CASH PRIZE

YOU MUST POST HERE A BANNER OF A CASINO USING OUR BANNER TOOL AT https://www.casino-crush.com/casinodb/banners.php (just find a casino and copy and paste the code - no need to use the 'Code' button.. just literally paste it in your post and you'll see!).

You will need 3,000 cc-points in to redeem a cash prize of $30.
There are lots of ways to earn cc-points which you can see in your welcome letter at https://www.casino-crush.com/bb2/welcome_to_cc_forums.php

If you do not have enough cc-points to win a cash prize yet, you'll be credited with 3,000 cc-points instead - so next time you win - you'll be able to cash out. However, we recommend you check out the many other ways to earn cc-points

Accounts will be credited within 10 days after your joke has been picked.

Good Luck Crushers!

Happy Gaming Always!

OrangeCrush

Gloves and Panties

A man went to a gift store to buy his girlfriend a pair of gloves. He had the manager try them on. She said they were perfect, so he had the manager wrap them up. When the manager gave him the gift she accidentally gave him a pair of panties instead. When the girlfriend got the gift there was a note attached to it.
The note read:
Dear Honey, Hope you like the gift.The lady at store said they were perfect. I had her try them on for me. She looked more like a lady. I hope you will wear them for me Friday night.
Love, Bobby
PS:The latest style is to wear them folded in with a little fur showing.

Hi,


I just have to share this

Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and
loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one
sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents
tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.
One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a
door opened and "Mad Harry" stepped out with his arm outstretched.
"STOP!", he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?"
Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit
Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.
As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one
wheel, Weird Ron popped out in front of her and shouted, "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drinks mat and
held it up to him. Ron nodded and said, "Carry on,
ma'am!"
As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front
door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, holding a very sizable erection in his hand. Oh, God," said Ethel, "Not the breathalyzer again!"


I hope its not offensive to anyone as it just killed me when I read it


sisters

he he , that is funny ty for shareing it its to funny lol, i can just see her lol ty josie46

OK Here are some one liners and a few ones for a special BLOND



Why can't you tell blondes knock-knock jokes? A:Because they leave to answer the door.

Women have many faults but men have only two,everything they say and everything they do

An A road and a Motorway walk into a pub, the Motorway turns white and starts shaking. "Whats wrong?" asks the A Road. "Look over in the corner" replies the Motorway, "there's a 'cyclepath' over there!"

This guy likes two girls. one named Lorain and one named Clearly. One day Lorain dies so the guy starts singing "I can see Clearly now Lorain is gone"

. Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman as opposed to a regular one? You have to hollow out the head.

Why do blondes have more fun? They are easier to amuse.

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? Frosted flakes.


Why did the blonde put make-up on her forehead? She wanted everyone to know that she was able to make up her mind.

What is the biggest advantage to marrying a blonde? You get to park in the Handicapped Zone.



win4maw

Two policemen are in a patrol car:
- Could you check if the directionals work on your side of the car?
The other policeman looks through the window and says:
- Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...
----------------------------------

On a narrow mountain road a man sees a police car driving uphill backwards.
- Hi guys. Why are you driving backwards?
- Because we are not sure that we will find a place to make a u-turn on the top of the mountain.
After one hour the same man sees the same police car driving downhill backwards again.
- But guys, why are you driving backwards again?
- We found a place to make a u-turn up there.

In the nuthouse, psycho ward, one patient walked around saying, "I'm a dead man. I'm a dead man."

In exaspiration, the docs tried one more thing to convince him he was alive. They walked up to him and asked, "Dead men don't bleed, do they?"

"Of course not," the lunatic replied.

"Okay," said a doc, "watch this." And he took the nut's finger and sliced it sligtly. The blood flowed.

"Now", said the doc, "what does that prove?"

The psycho patient looked very surprised and said "Aha! Dead men DO bleed!"



royalblush

(Just this one more entry, please, please!)

Q: How may Crushers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A: 3000. Hang in there, friends; we'll have light soon!


authored by: royalblush

A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "want to hear a blonde joke?"

In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."

Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still want to tell that joke?"

The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."

ROFLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you guys are great. Maw I have a funny feeling you meant me hum lol and royalblush please enter as many times as you like. We are giving away 10 prizes for the month so please, bring them on.

One thing I love to do is laugh. And you guys are definitely making my day! So please make my month!!! lol Sisters, you are as twisted as I am! Twisted sister hehee lol

Good Luck Crushers!

Happy Gaming Always!

OrangeCrush

Couldn't resist this one, I hope it doesn't offend anyone:

One day a guy walks into a bar. The bartender says "if you can make that horse over there laugh you can have free drinks for the rest of the night".

So he says "ok" and walks over to the horse and whispers something in his ear and he starts laughing and the bartender gives him free drinks for the rest of the night.

The next night the same guy comes back in and the bartender says "if you can make that horse over there cry i will give you free drinks for the rest of the night.

So he walks over there and does something and the horse starts crying, and the bartender gives him free drinks. Then the bartender asks what the man did to make the horse laugh and what he did to make him cry.

The man says "To make him laugh I told him I had a bigger dick than he does and to make him cry I showed him".

I dont many jokes and the ladies always love these! (well most do)

Q-How did Pinnochio find out he was made of wood????
A-His hand caught on fire!!!!

PS (I aint saying how hehe)

Q-What did Raggedy Ann say to Pinnochio in the toybox????
A-LIE to me LIE to me LIE to me!!!!

PS-cute huh?

roflmaoo keep them coming guys this is great!

Good Luck Crushers!

Happy Gaming Always!

OrangeCrush

ok here's one from down south... (I know I know bad pun huh Orange)

A big game hunter walked in the bar and bragged to everyone about his hunting skills. The man was undoubtedly a good shot and no one could dispute that. But then he said that they could blindfold him and he would recognize any animal's skin from its feel, and if he could locate the bullet hole he would even tell them what calibre the bullet was that killed the animal. The hunter said that he was willing to prove it if they would put up the drinks, and so the bet was on. They blindfolded him carefully and took him to his first animal skin. After feeling it for a few moments, he announced "Bear." Then he felt the bullet hole and declared, "Shot with a .308 rifle." He was right.
They brought him another skin, one that someone had in their car trunk. He took a bit longer this time and then said, "Elk, Shot with a 7mm Mag rifle. He was right again.
Through the night, he proved his skills again and again, every time against a round of drinks. Finally he staggered home, drunk out of his mind,and went to sleep. The next morning he got up and saw in the mirror that he had one hell of a shiner. He said to his wife, "I know I was drunk last night, but not drunk enough to get in a fight and not remember it. Where did I get this blackeye?"
His wife angrily replied, "I gave it to you. You got into bed and put your hand down my panties. Then you fiddled around a bit and loudly announced, "Skunk, killed with an axe."

Okay, time for one of these:

Q: Why do ducks have webbed feet?

A: From stomping out forest fires

Q: Why do elephants have wide feet?

A: From stomping out burning ducks.


~~ royalblush