Christmas Contest Day #26 - Christmas Jokes Closed

Dear Crushers,

During the period between Christmas Day and New Year we have new contests announced daily relating to the festive season. Each of these contests may run for more than 1 day and the end of this contest is shown above

THIS IS OUR CONTEST FOR DAY #26

This contest idea is based on an idea from mlj774 who was rewarded for this idea in our November "Help Us Prepare" contest



TELL US YOUR BEST CHRISTMAS JOKE(S)

- Tell us ONE Christmas joke (per reply)
- You may reply more than once with a different joke in each reply.
- Please allow another to post in between (and please do not repeat others jokes).


How will Winner(s) will be determined?

There will be 1 prize of 1 x $5 for 500 CCpoints given to the joke that makes Geno laugh the most! (and must be one I have not heard before!)

There will be 1 prize of 1 x $1 for 100 CCpoints randomly drawn from all other eligible entries.

General rules for December 2017 Daily Contests:-

- All entrants should have read the rules and abide by them
- Unless specifically stated above, please allow a reply from at least one other member between your own replies.
- Unless specifically stated above, winners will be drawn randomly from all valid entries.
- The time/date of the draw will be determined by crushadmin based on availability and number of answers given. Generally this will be between 24 and 72 hours of the contest topic being available in the Contests forum.
- Please do not chase up when reaching the minimum payment threshold - prizes have and always will be paid as soon as available and at our earliest convenience.

STANDARD CONTESTS AND PRIZES TERMS APPLY

Why is Santa so damn jolly?

He knows where all the Naughty girls live hehee

Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can 'ho ho ho'!

One night a Viking named Rudolph the Red was looking out the window when he said, “It’s going to rain.”

His wife asked, “How do you know?”

“Because Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear.”

lol Good Ones Anne and Deb!!!

Whats the difference between Tiger Woods and Santa?

Santa was smart enough to stop at 3 Ho's lol

Christmas Joke: There’s A Fly In My Champagne

A multinational company held a reception to celebrate Christmas. The waiter gave each guest a glass of Champagne, but on inspection each guest noticed that their glass contained a fly.

The Swede asked for new Champagne in the same glass.

The Englishman demanded to have new Champagne in a new glass.

The Finn picked out the fly out and drank the Champagne.

The Russian drank the Champagne, fly and all.

The Chinese ate the fly but left the Champagne.

The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese.

The Italian drank two thirds of the Champagne and then demanded to have a new glass.

The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish.

The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the Champagne, which he then donated to the Englishman.

The American sued the restaurant and claimed $50 million in compensation.

The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and shouted: “Now spit out all that you swallowed!”

Funny. One of my favorites.

LOL Debbie LOL

Why did the Grinch rob the liquor store?

He was desperate for some holiday spirit

Three men die on Christmas Eve and go to heaven, where they’re met by Saint Peter. “In order to get in," he tells them, “you must each produce something representative of the holidays."

The first man digs into his pockets and pulls out a match and lights it. “This represents a candle of hope." Impressed, Peter lets him in.

The second man pulls out a tangle of keys and shakes them. “These are bells." He’s allowed in too.

“So," Peter says to the third man, “what do you have?"

The third man proudly shows him a pair of red panties.

“What do these have to do with Christmas?" asks Peter.

“They’re Carol’s."

LMAOOOOOO

What do three hos get you?

One very jolly Santa.

Why was the ornament addicted to Christmas?

He was hooked on trees his whole life.

It was just after Thanksgiving. My trip went reasonably
well, and I was ready to go back home. The airport on the other end
had turned a tacky red and green, and loudspeakers blared annoying
elevator renditions of cherished Christmas carols. Being someone
who took Christmas very seriously, and being slightly tired, I
was not in a particularly good mood.

Going to check in my luggage (which, for some reason, had become
one suitcase with entirely new clothes), I saw hanging mistletoe.
Not real mistletoe, but very cheap plastic with red paint on some
of the rounder parts and green paint on some of the flatter and
pointier parts, that could be taken for mistletoe only in a very
Picasso sort of way.

With a considerable degree of irritation and nowhere else to vent
it, I said to the attendant, "Even if I were not married, I
would not want to kiss you under such a ghastly mockery of
mistletoe."

"Sir, look more closely at where the mistletoe is."

(pause)

"Ok, I see that it's above the luggage scale, which is the place
you'd have to step forward for a kiss."

"That's not why it's there."

(pause)

"Ok, I give up. Why is it there?"

"It's there so you can kiss your luggage goodbye."

IS YOUR NAME JINGLE BELLS ?

CAUSE YOU LOOK READY TO GO ALL THE WAY.

A dog is gazing up at the Christmas tree and sighs with satisfaction.

He thinks to himself:

" Oh, my master is the best, as always. What dog can say they’ve had electrical lights installed in their indoor toilet?"

Q...WHAT DO CALL A SNOWMAN IN THE SUMMER ?

A PUDDLE.

Some Santa pick-up one liners for all to enjoy

. Hey Babe, when was the last time you did it in a sleigh?
want to see my 12-inch elf?
I`ve got something special in the sack for you!
Ever make it with a fat guy with a whip?
I know when you`ve been bad or good--so let`s skip the small talk, sister!
Some of my best toys run on batteries... <wink>
. Interested in seeing the "North Pole"? (Well, that`s what the Mrs. calls it.
I see you when you`re sleeping--and you don`t wear any underwear, do you?
Screw the "nice" list--I`ve got you on my "naughty" list!
want to join the "Mile High" club?