May, 2014 Post A Joke Contest Winners Announced

Hello Crushers!!!

It seems like its been quite a while since we've shared some jokes here.

I love to laugh and hope you do too. Please join me in posting some jokes this month.

Please try to keep them fairly clean and please do not take any offense to the jokes, we're just trying to have fun.

I'll grab a few links for you to choose some jokes from then just copy and paste them here ok?

https://www.jokes.com/
https://www.jokeswarehouse.com/
https://www.cleanjoke.com/
https://www.ahajokes.com/

I'll start this off with:

A purple man has a purple wife. They have two purple kids and live in a big purple house. One day they decide to take a vacation, so they all pile into their purple car, drive it to their purple boat, and set out to sea. Sadly the boat crashes and they are stranded on a small island. The purple man looks to the heavens in desperation and cries, "Oh no! We've been marooned!" LOL


The next poster will post their joke.

You may enter this contest as many times as you would like to however, please do not post twice in a row UNLESS you want too. LOL

This contest will end May 31st, 2013 and everyone that makes a post will have their name placed into a random drawing where we will give away 3 x 2,000 cc point prizes.

This young fellow was about to be married and was asking his grandfather about sex.

He asked how often you should have it.

His grandfather told him,

"when you first get married, you want it all the time...and maybe you'll do it several times a day.

Later on, sex tapers off and you have it once a week or so.

Then as you get older, you have sex maybe once a month.

When you get really old, you are lucky to have it once a year like maybe on your anniversary.

The young fellow then asked his grandfather,

"Well how about you and Grandma now?"

His grandfather replied, "Oh, we just have oral sex now."

"What's oral sex?" the young fellow asked.

"Well," Grandpa said,

"She goes to bed in her bedroom and I go to bed in my bedroom.

She yells, 'Screw You',

and I holler back, 'Screw You too!'

LMAO I hope I NEVER get that old LMAOOOO

Cowboy Earl and Betty are senior citizens. Well Earl has always wanted and expensive pair of Alligator Boots

Seeing them on Sale one day he buys a pair and wears them home "Hey Betty y'all notice anything different about me?" "What's different? Its' the same shirt you wore yesterday and the same pants" "whats different?" frustrated Earl goes into the bathroom undresses, and comes out completely naked wearing only his new boots "hey Betty y'all notice anything different now?" "whats different Earl? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, and will be hanging down tomorrow!" Angrily Earl yells "y'all know why it's hanging down? Cos its looking at my new rootin tootin boots!" Betty replies "Well then you should've bought a damn hat!"

One day grandpa says to grandma "Why don’t we go to the motel like we used to do when we were young and get kinky?" So they get to the motel and go into the room. Grandpa takes off his glasses and says he going to get into the shower to freshen up. In the meantime grandma takes off her clothes and gets into bed. She decides to do some leg stretches to limber up ( it’s been awhile ). Well she throws her legs over her head and they get caught in the headboard. Right then grandpa walks out of the bathroom and sees her that way. "My God woman" he says "you need to put your teeth in and comb your hair, you look like an asshole!"

LOL that's bad!!! LOL

What do you get when you cross a horse and a donkey?

A half-ass joke.

So True

LOL Looks like I'm stuck in the 70's LOL

I know tmi LOL

So a Rabbi with a frog on his shoulder walks into a bar...

...and the bartender says: "That's awesome! Where'd you get one of those?"

And the frog says "Brooklyn! There's hundreds of em!"

*credit to Robin Williams for the joke lol

A redhead tells her blonde stepsister, "I slept with a Brazilian...." The blonde replies, "Oh my God! You sl*t! How many is a brazilian?"

OMG these are all so funny!

Bathroom Troubles

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."

The second old man says, "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."

Finally the third old man speaks up, "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."

**Thank God not me yet**

A family is at the dinner table. The son asks the father, “Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?” The father, surprised, answers, “Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman’s breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s and 40s, they are like pears, still nice, hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions.” “Onions?” the son asks. “Yes. You see them and they make you cry.” This infuriated his wife and daughter. The daughter asks, “Mom, how many different kinds of willies are there?” The mother smiles and says, “Well, dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it’s like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it’s like a Christmas tree.” “A Christmas tree?” the daughter asks. “Yes, dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration.”

Advice From Men To Women

...Never buy a 'new' brand of beer because 'it was on sale.'

...If we're in the backyard and the TV in the den is on, that doesn't mean we're not watching it.

...Don't tell anyone we can't afford a new car. Tell them we don't want one.

...Whenever possible please try to say whatever you have to say during commercials.

...Please don't drive when you're not driving.

...Don't feel compelled to tell us how all the people in your stories are related to one another: We're just nodding, waiting for the punchline.

...The quarterback who just got pummeled isn't trying to be brave. He's just not crying. Big difference!

...When the waiter asks if everything's okay, a simple 'Yes' is fine.

HEY ! Watch it ! i'm purple

Hi,


Why is 6 afraid of 7??

Because 7, 8 , 9

SC

The libertarian in me ...

I think that I'm a chicken

PandaPsychiatrist: What's your problem?

Patient: I think I'm a chicken.

Psychiatrist: How long has this been going on?

Patient: Ever since I was an egg!