July, 2013, Posting Contest

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.

She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of bi*ches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of bit*ches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."

The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the two hour delay, please see the bi*ch in the kitchen."

A tiger was walking through the jungle one day and saw two men relaxing under a tree. One was reading a newspaper, and the other was working feverishly on a manual typewriter.

The tiger leapt on the man with the newspaper, and ate him up. The tiger did not bother the other man at all. That's because any predator knows that readers digest but writers cramp.

Joe enters the confessional and tells the priest that he has committed adultery.

"Oh, no," said the priest, thinking of the most promiscuous women in town. "Was it with Marie Brown?"

"I'd rather not say who it was."

"Was it with Betty Smith?"

"I'd rather not say," says Joe. So the priest gives him absolution and Joe leaves. While leaving the church, Joe's friend asks if he received absolution.

"Yes, and two very good leads

Hello Crushers!!!

I can't thank you all enough for posting your jokes for July, they definitely made my month!!! We also appreciate your helping bring up our post count, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Everyone that made at least 1 post had their names placed into my tupperware bowl and Barry drew out the 6 winners names of $5 each:

ROFLMAOOOO


ermmmm hello crushers ... if anyone should check the contest prize page out and notice that some of the winners of this contest show they won $50 and others $5 ermmm well its because I like some more then others LMAOOO JUST KIDDING!!!

I have a house full of company and as most of you know I can't walk and chew gum at the same time ugh, I will let Geno know to fix it. Everyone won $5 Sorry kids

WTG Archie, Nono, Valeria, Talk2molly, Bob and Shirley!

Thank you! Mine will need to be changed to $5.00!

WOOOHOOOO ty!!

Congrats Bower, Val, Molly, Bob and Shirley! I thoroughly enjoyed reading all the jokes

Woohoo!!!ty ty!!Congrats to all lucky winners!!!

lmaooo... I did wonder when I saw a bunch of $50 prizes for the posting contest as I was about to pay them!

Your prizes have been corrected now

Congratulations winners!

Geno/CC

WTG winners and not like you to make mistakes rita LOL

Wow! Thanks! Congrats the rest of you!