July, 2013, Posting Contest

*Crushers we would like to get more people to join CC. The more members, the more money generated, the more money we can pay out for our contests.

So if you like this contest please either share it on Facebook or Twitter or both please.

This is also a very good way to get extra clicks for the Link Us Up Contest too!!!

Here's How to Link up with Facebook:

On the left hand side of this page, towards top left hand corner, there is a "like" button for Facebook..all you have to do is click the "like" button and it will direct you to log into Facebook and voila you are done..You're "liked post" will be on your Facebook Timeline..

Here's How to Tweet:

On the left hand side of page, towards top left hand corner there is a "like" button for Twitter (right below Facebook lol) .. all you have to do is click the "like" button and it will direct you to log into Twitter and you are done.

Thank you Crushers!!!

Hello Crushers!!!

Crushers thank you all again for helping us get our post count up!!! We really do appreciate your help!!!

I just spent about an hour over at PC reading Patti's posting contests and came close to wetting myself. lol Patti you are AMAZING!!! I love your posting contests ... I love them so much I wouldn't feel right stealing one ... at least for this month. LOL

As most of you know I love to laugh and I definitely did a LOT of that reading Patti's contests ... which made me think of one of the best posting contests we've had here at CC (at least I think so lol)

Lets post some jokes.

Please try to keep them fairly clean and please do not take any offense to the jokes, we're just trying to have fun.

I'll grab a few links for you to choose some jokes from then just copy and paste them here ok?

https://www.jokes.com/
https://www.jokeswarehouse.com/
https://www.cleanjoke.com/
https://www.ahajokes.com/

I'll start this off with this one I just found Its a little on the long side but it sure cracked me up LOL

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the road-side eating grass.

Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and got out to investigate.

He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the lawyer said. "But sir, I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the lawyer replied.

Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You may come with us, also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice, then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and six children with me!"

"Bring them all as well," the lawyer answered.

They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as the limousine.

Once under way, one of the poor fellows turned to the lawyer and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The lawyer replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place. The grass is almost a foot high." LOL


The next poster will post their joke.

You may enter this contest as many times as you would like to however, please do not post twice in a row UNLESS you want too. LOL

This contest will end July 31st, 2013 and everyone that makes a post will have their name placed into a random drawing where we will give away 6 x $5 prizes.

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow man."

"Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized.

"I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

ROFLMAOOOOOOOO

A very old woman realizes that she's seen and done everything and the time has come to depart from this world. After considering various methods of doing away with herself, she decides to shoot herself through the heart.

Not wanting to make a mistake, she phones her doctor and asks him the exact location of the heart. He tells her that the heart is located two inches below the left nipple.

The old woman hangs up the phone, takes careful aim and shoots herself in the left knee

ROFLMAOOO I don't care what they say Gravity is NOT your friend!!! LMAOOOO

What do you get when you cross a hippo, an elephant and a rhino?

Helefino lol

So the stud rooster at a poultry farm is getting old, so the farmer brings in a new one. Once he's arrived, the new rooster walks up to the old one and says' Listen here Gramps! This whole farm is mine now!" The old rooster says "C'mon buddy? At least let me stick around with the old hens? We'll stay in the back?" The new rooster is adamant "No way! All the hens re mine!". The old rooster sighs, and offers a proposition: that the two of them race around the farmhouse and if the old rooster wins he can stay on the farm, if he loses then he'll leave and let the new rooster take over. The only catch is that since the old rooster isn't in very good shape, he needs a head start. So the rooster's line up, the old one has his head start, and the new rooster takes off. As he comes round the front of the house, the old rooster is just in front of him. He is so close to beating him. He stretches out his neck and leaps forward, desperate to close the gap between them. That's when the farmer looks up form the front porch and sees the two roosters; he takes out his gun, shoots the new rooster in the head, and says "Damn! Third gay rooster this week!"

Bill Gates goes to purgatory.

St. Peter says, "Now Bill, you have done some good things, and you have done some bad things. Now I am going to let you decide where you want to go".

First, St. Peter shows Bill an image of Hell with beautiful women running on beaches. Then, St Peter shows Bill an image of Heaven with robed angels playing harps on clouds.

Bill chooses Hell.

About a week later, St. Peter checks in on Bill in Hell and finds him being whipped by demons.

Bill says to St. Peter, "What happened to all the beautiful women and the beaches?"

St. Peter replies, "That was just the screen saver."

Q. Why did the ant fall off the toilet seat?

A. Because he was pissed off!

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed. The chicken takes out a cigarette and begins to smoke. The egg, pissed off, takes one look at the chicken, rolls over and pulls the blanket over him and says, "I guess we answered that question!"

Anatomy Lesson

A group of first-year medical students is gathered around an operating table for their first anatomy lesson with a dead body.

"As a doctor. you'll need to develop two key skills." the professor begins.
"The first is stoicism. You can't be disgusted by anything involving the human body."
The professor then rolls the body over. sticks his finger into the corpse's butt. withdraws it and sticks his finger in his mouth.
"Now do the same," he instructs.
The horrified students hesitate, but eventually take turns dipping a finger into the cadaver's anus and then sucking on it.
After everyone has finished, the professor continues... "The second skill is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and then I sucked on my index finger, pay attention next time."

A recent article in the Kentucky Post
reported that a woman, Anne Maynard,
has sued St Luke’s Hospital, saying
that after her husband was treated
there recently, he had lost all interest
in sex.

A hospital spokesman replied, "Mr.
Maynard was actually admitted in
Ophthalmology - all we did was to
correct his eyesight."

There was a blonde that lived in a small house on the corner of 4th Avenue.
She had a small shed in her backyard where she kept gardening tools. One day, she thought she saw smoke coming out of the roof of the shed.
In a panic she called 911. They answered and said "This is Joe, is there an emergency?"
The blonde replied "Yes my shed is on fire!!!" Joe said, "Don't panic help in on the way...where do you live?"
The blonde said, "IN A HOUSE, NOW HURRY!!"
Joe calmly responded back, "How are we supposed to get there?"
The blonde answered back, "DUH!!! A BIG RED TRUCK!"

How does a man take a bubble bath?

He eats beans for dinner.

A man cheats on his girlfriend named Lorraine with a girl named Clearly.

Suddenly, Lorraine died.

At the funeral, the man stands up and sings, "I can see Clearly now, Lorraine is gone."