Just Sad - 24 Nov 2013

Hi all Just had a vacation in which my family fell apart. Big complicated story but I can't be around my parents any more because its not safe on so many levels and its so confused because I tried so hard to make us a family and rationally I am too old for that to be a threat anymore but it has too many triggers and I guess in the end it just hurts me. I just feel lost. I just feel heartbroken. I just feel stupid for trying so hard for so long to make it work. I don't even know why I am writing this but I just have to get it out. Am I crazy?

NO MY FRIEND YOU ARE NOT CRAZY ... YOU ARE IN PAIN BECAUSE OF
THE LOSS YOU FEEL FROM THE BREAK UP OF YOUR FAMILY STRUCTURE.
I DO NOT WHAT CAUSED THIS OR WHAT YOU CAN DO TO FIX IT?
BUT I DO KNOW YOU NEED TO TALK ABOUT IT!!
IS THERE SOMEONE YOU TRUST TO SHARE YOUR FEELING WITH?
A CLERGYMEN OR CLOSE FRIEND ? OR MAYBE A COUNSELOR .
THE BEST WAY TO DEAL WITH GRIEF IS TO LET IT OUT..DON'T BOTTLE
IT UP INSIDE YOURSELF.
I WISH I COULD PUT MY ARMS AROUND YOU..AND SHOWHOW COMFORT
YOU, SINCE THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE .. I WILL PRAY FOR YOU AND YOUR
FAMILY AND ASK GOD TO HEAL YOU ALL'S HEARTS AND HELP YOU ALL
BE A FAMILY AGAIN.
GOD BLESS YOU
MAGGIE

Beautifully said Maggie.

Dear Anne, I am so very sorry to hear of these problems and wish I knew of something to say to help, other than you are in my thoughts and prayers hun and I sincerely hope everything will turn out ok.

We are family here, any time you feel you need a shoulder we're here for you sweetie and sometimes it just feels better to say (type) it out. What ever we can do to help hun, you let us know.

Please take care hun.

Hugs
Rita

Hi Anne, I'm back. I was just folding some laundry thinking about you and I too had a similar problem with my family. For years I tried to be the "middle" man and keep peace in the family for the sake of my grandparents to no avail.

Even after the family broke up I tried for a number of years, knowing how heart broke my grandparents were and I couldn't do a damn thing. I felt so bad. That really hurt because I was always thinking I should of tried this or done that but I know deep down nothing would of changed.

I finally did what I had to do and step away from it. It's definitely not an easy thing to do, but sometimes its a necessary thing to do.

I pray you find peace soon hun.

Hugs
Rita

Dearest Anne......

You ARE NOT crazy!
You ARE NOT alone!
You ARE rational!!!!
You ARE most definitely ALLOWED to PROTECT yourself from bad situations that bring your spirit harm and pain!!

I am betting...
you are super FRUSTRATED at the situation as a whole.

I AM SO GLAD you posted this.
Now please toss out THAT (trying to creep up on you..) GUILT!!
And bring on THE LIGHT to fill your soul with WARMTH

KNOW THIS:
YOU ARE VERY MUCH LOVED AROUND HERE!!

Hi,


Anne you are NOT crazy..Whenever my feelings are hurt I lash out and can become a wild woman..

Whenever I have been estranged from members of my family, the one thing that helped was time, for all involved..

Hun maybe if you had visits with one or two people at a time that would help..I can't be around my whole family for gatherings as I tend to get anxious/moody with all the commotion and loudness around me..So I sometimes choose not to go to family functions and visit with one or two at a time instead..

I have chosen to put the hurt behind me and move on..it hasn't been easy especially with my father..I see him every once in awhile but thats it..It took me a very long time to come to terms that some people will never change..so you either accept them as they are or keep them away from you and see them on your terms and when you're comfortable..Keep negativity away from you hun as it only brings you down and breeds more negativity & hurt..

Never ever feel stupid for trying to mend the relationships..At least you've tried..I know it hurts like hell right now..Try to find some peace & happiness from within yourself..What you're feeling right now are the stages of Grief:

You guys are awesome! Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart. Your words mean a lot to me. I was the middleman, and I am protecting myself from now on. Thank you everyone. Sometimes I need to vent and I feel so lucky to have you all in my life.

There are times when, even though it is family, people just naturally clash and are better off not being around each other. I think there is a least one such situation in every family, so please realize you are not the only person this is happening to.

Not being able to be around them doesn't mean you love them any less. As family, you will always have that love and bond. As a person, you may not like them at all. We are who we are.

You need to do what is best for YOU and your immediate family for your own sense of peace and harmony. Interact with others on your terms within your comfort zone. Being the middleman is not a good position to be in. Some will come to resent you for trying to fix them. You are only responsable for you and your family's behavior. The rest are responsable for their own. If they want things to change, then they will have to figure out what they have to change within themselves to make things better.

Just always remember that you tried. But you don't deserve to have that kind of torment hanging over your head. You DO DESERVE to have a happy, peaceful life.

Keep your chin up. And always remember, we are a "FAMILY" here and we do care about how you are feeling. So when ever you need to, you vent away. We are all here with our listening ears on, and for some of us, with our outspoken mouths at the ready, lol.

Love & Hugs Anne

Anne as I know nothing about what happened not my place to give advice, but from my own experiences family should be close but once it gets to stage where you fall out all the time or it's made clear you are looked upon as a failure and like you've let the all down like my family are with me then it's time to go sod them there loss and just get on with life without them the way I do, no point in flogging a dead horse and trying to change people's attitudes, way I look at is if they want to fix things they know where I am if not I'm not wasting my life or letting myself get mad about way family are, I got on fine when I was younger and they were huge part of life but I get on just as well,if not better lol, without them

Very nice advice all and when my mom was alive we were all very very close and Dale (hubby)loved her and listened to her more then anyone and he to also has some past problems with his mom and he tried so hard to the point of calling her and telling her I dont want anything but to tell you I love you and even went up to her house and knocked and gave her a hug and told her he loved her but she always came back eventually with hurtful words and my mom always told Dale YOU CAN LOVE HER JUST LOVE HER FROM A DISTANCE and Dale lives those words as my mom told him that way she could not hurt him mentally that way..