Christmas Contest Day #26 - Christmas Jokes Closed

OrangeCrush

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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 3:13 pm
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What kind of a bike does Santa ride in his spare time?

A Holly Davidson

mlj774
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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 4:09 pm
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WHAT DO YOU CALL AN OLD SNOWMAN ?

WATER!

OrangeCrush

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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 6:43 pm
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LOL

What is the equivalent of a superdeath laser gun for snowmen?

A hairdryer.

mlj774
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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 7:06 pm
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WHAT DID SANTA SAY TO ALL THE TOYS ON CHRISTMAS EVE ?

ALRIGHT EVERYBODY, TIME TO HIT THE SACK.

OrangeCrush

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Posted: Fri Dec 29, 2017 11:22 pm
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What do snowmen wear on their heads?

Ice caps

mlj774
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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2017 12:26 am
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WHY DIDN'T THE SKELETON GO TO THE CHRISTMAS PARTY ?

BECAUSE HE HAD NOBODY TO GO WITH.

luckyirishgirl
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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2017 2:34 am
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What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve ?They go into town, and blow a few bucks.

mlj774
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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2017 4:32 pm
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WHY WAS THE SNOWMAN RUMMAGING IN A BAG OF CARROTS ?

HE WAS PICKING HIS NOSE

r8er4ever
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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2017 7:05 pm
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I was going to quit all my bad habits for the new year, but then I remembered that nobody likes a quitter.

NonoNanette
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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2017 11:21 pm
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It was coming up to Christmas and Sammy asked his mum if he could have a new bike. She told him that the best idea would be to write to Santa Claus. But Sam, having just played a vital role in the school nativity play, said he would prefer to write to the baby Jesus. So his mum told him that would be fine.
Sam went to his room and wrote, 'Dear Jesus, I have been a very good boy and would like to have a bike for Christmas.' But he wasn't very happy when he read it over. So he decided to try again and this time he wrote:'Dear Jesus, I'm a good boy most of the time and would like a bike for Christmas.'
He read it back and wasn't happy with that one either. He tried a third version: 'Dear Jesus, I could be a good boy if I tried hard and especially if I had a new bike.'
He read that one too, but he still wasn't satisfied. So, he decided to go out for a walk while he thought about a better approach. After a short time he passed a house with a small statue of the Virgin Mary in the front garden. He crept in, stuffed the statue under his coat, hurried home and hid it under the bed. Then he wrote this letter.
'Dear Jesus, If you want to see your mother again, you'd better send me a new bike.'

mlj774
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Posted: Sat Dec 30, 2017 11:50 pm
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WHAT DO CRACKERS, FRUITCAKE AND NUTS REMIND ME OF ?

YOU!

OrangeCrush

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Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2017 3:37 am
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T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house, Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care. They'd been worn all week and needed the air.

mlj774
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Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2017 4:27 am
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WHY DID THE ORANGE TAKE A PRUNE TO THE CHRISTMAS PARTY ?

BECAUSE HE COULDN'T FIND A DATE!

OrangeCrush

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Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2017 4:40 am
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LOL

Why was Santa's little helper depressed?

Because he had low elf esteem.

gjr1961
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Posted: Sun Dec 31, 2017 8:58 am
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What do you call a girl who cheats on you during the holidays?

A Ho Ho Ho's bag!

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