Re: "disturbing Friends" (part 2)

When I originally started the post wondering about "disturbing friends" and wondering if was appropriate, I was, as you may have figured, referring to myself. I have just been too nervous to go back to it

The deal is that I am not very OK and I don't know what to do. I never leave the house (I am too afraid because???) I don't talk to people about it on the phone ( I am kind of afraid of the phone too???), I don't talk to anybody except myself and I don't give myself very good feedback. I try to pray, but I have lost my faith. I am hoping that maybe those of you that still have faith will include me in your prayers, and maybe that will help??

I have been really stuggling for years, but when my husband died, most of me died with him. Most of what I see inside myself is very dark emptiness. I can see the tunnel, the long, long tunnel, but I don't see any light at the end.

I have my daughter and my grandchildren which is really the only reason that I am here today. I don't want to hurt them and doing anything to myself would hurt them greatly. So, I go on.

"No one told me that the gods believe in nothing, so with empty hands I pray, and from day to hopeless day, they still don't see me." These are words from a song that are on a poster in my room because they seem so fitting.

This got to be so long - I am really sorry I only meant to say a few words. I think though, as long as I wrote it all out, I really will post this time. Thank you

gloria
first let me start by saying i know your pain i have been there i still live with it on a day to day baises
now before i say any more let me ask you to please remember that you are more than just a mother or grandmother you are a freind to us all even if you dont know my name you mean something to me as a crusher and i could not sit back and hope that another would step forward and say to you ...you you will move on with or without your loved husband
i just lost a very great woman that was part of my life and it hurt it hurt bad and i still cry every day but i live on i move on i wake up and sometimes im sad but i know that there are people around me that understand and make it just a little easier for me to smile
know this with out a doubt please the crush family will be there for you thick or thin and weather i know you more than or less than any other crusher know this you YOU are in my happiest thoughts and prayers in good times or in bad
im not the best man in the world but i try to be a good person in life both real and online so i hope i can give you some relief with my words
thanks for posting and giving me a moment of your time
shawn

dear gloria,
you may have what is called a panic disorder, i have it myself and have been on meds for it a long time and will be for the rest of my life. i was homebound and was afraid to go anywhere but i sought help and slowly worked my way back into society. it sounds as if you are depressed also. i am ss about your husband. i can't say i know how you feel because i haven't been through that. keep praying and seek help, i know it is hard to do and believe it but you will overcome the fear.
peace to you my friend. you are in my prayers.
hugs.
sharon