August, 2015 Post A Joke Contest Closed 01 Aug 2015

mlj774
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Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2015 1:42 pm
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Q...HOW DO YOU MAKE A TISSUE DANCE ?

A...YOU PUT A LITTLE BOOGIE IN IT.

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gjr1961
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Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2015 2:31 pm
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Taking a Tickle

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.

"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears.

"It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

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Shirlsplay
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Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2015 9:08 pm
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Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A-Dell

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gjr1961
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Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2015 11:46 pm
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Tax Man

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question", noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes", replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi", he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick."

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OrangeCrush

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Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 10:36 am
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LMAO Too Funny

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

**I better look for a new place to find jokes LOL

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NonoNanette
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Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:11 pm
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A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?"
The boy replied, "What turkey?"
The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."
The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!"
The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?"
The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his a** and let him go!"

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mlj774
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Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 5:13 pm
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Q...WHY IS SEX LIKE MATH ?

A...YOU ADD A BED , SUBTRACT THE CLOTHES , DIVIDE THE LEGS
AND PRAY THERE'S NO MULTIPLYING

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Shirlsplay
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Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 6:38 pm
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Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It's sweeping the nation!

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OrangeCrush

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Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 8:29 pm
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LOL Great Jokes!!!

A man was in a bar when an ugly girl came up to him, squeeze his ass and said, "Give me your number, sexy."

"Do you have a pen?", he asked.

"Yes.", she answered.

The man shot back, "Well, then you had better get back to it before the farmer notices you're missing."

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mlj774
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Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 8:32 pm
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Q...HAVE YOU EVER SMELLED MOTHBALLS ?

A...HOW DID YOU GET HIS LITTLE LEGS APART ?

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Shirlsplay
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Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 9:11 pm
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Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!

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mlj774
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Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 10:37 pm
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Q...WHY ARE PIRATES SO MEAN ?

A...THEY JUST ARRRRR!

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win4maw
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 12:23 am
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A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

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OrangeCrush

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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 12:36 am
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LMAOOO you guys are on a roll!!! Keep 'em coming!!!

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."

The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

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win4maw
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 12:44 am
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Girl: "Hey, what's up?"
Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"

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