August, 2015 Post A Joke Contest Closed 01 Aug 2015

mlj774
150 Gold Dollar Crusher

Gender:

Joined: 25 Sep 2004
Posts: 5964
Location: USA

2000

Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2015 1:42 pm
-

Q...HOW DO YOU MAKE A TISSUE DANCE ?

A...YOU PUT A LITTLE BOOGIE IN IT.

gjr1961
CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Posts: 10428
Location: Minnesota

2000

Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2015 2:31 pm
-

Taking a Tickle

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach.

Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.

"What's wrong?" asked the mother.. "I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out," replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago.

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears.

"Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet came out."

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears.

"It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened. You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out."

"No," said the boy, "I was playing with myself and I shot the dog."

Shirlsplay
CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Posts: 27953
Location: Reno,Nevada

2000

Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2015 9:08 pm
-

Q: What do you call a computer that sings?
A: A-Dell

gjr1961
CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 31 Aug 2006
Posts: 10428
Location: Minnesota

2000

Posted: Sat Aug 08, 2015 11:46 pm
-

Tax Man

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?"

"Good question", noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh", replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"

"Ah, yes", replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy biscuits."

"I see!" replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi", he went on, "What do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste", answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete prick."

OrangeCrush

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 20 Dec 2003
Posts: 20147
Location: In heaven

2000

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 10:36 am
-

LMAO Too Funny

Why did the cows return to the marijuana field?

It was the pot calling the cattle back.

**I better look for a new place to find jokes LOL

NonoNanette
CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 26 Sep 2004
Posts: 13719
Location: Upstate New York, USA

2000

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 3:11 pm
-

A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?"
The boy replied, "What turkey?"
The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm."
The boy looks down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!"
The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?"
The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his a** and let him go!"

mlj774
150 Gold Dollar Crusher

Gender:

Joined: 25 Sep 2004
Posts: 5964
Location: USA

2000

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 5:13 pm
-

Q...WHY IS SEX LIKE MATH ?

A...YOU ADD A BED , SUBTRACT THE CLOTHES , DIVIDE THE LEGS
AND PRAY THERE'S NO MULTIPLYING

Shirlsplay
CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Posts: 27953
Location: Reno,Nevada

2000

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 6:38 pm
-

Q: Did you hear about that new broom?
A: It's sweeping the nation!

OrangeCrush

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 20 Dec 2003
Posts: 20147
Location: In heaven

2000

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 8:29 pm
-

LOL Great Jokes!!!

A man was in a bar when an ugly girl came up to him, squeeze his ass and said, "Give me your number, sexy."

"Do you have a pen?", he asked.

"Yes.", she answered.

The man shot back, "Well, then you had better get back to it before the farmer notices you're missing."

mlj774
150 Gold Dollar Crusher

Gender:

Joined: 25 Sep 2004
Posts: 5964
Location: USA

2000

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 8:32 pm
-

Q...HAVE YOU EVER SMELLED MOTHBALLS ?

A...HOW DID YOU GET HIS LITTLE LEGS APART ?

Shirlsplay
CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 30 Jun 2005
Posts: 27953
Location: Reno,Nevada

2000

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 9:11 pm
-

Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits!

mlj774
150 Gold Dollar Crusher

Gender:

Joined: 25 Sep 2004
Posts: 5964
Location: USA

2000

Posted: Sun Aug 09, 2015 10:37 pm
-

Q...WHY ARE PIRATES SO MEAN ?

A...THEY JUST ARRRRR!

win4maw
CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 26 Jan 2004
Posts: 12518
Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA

2000

Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 12:23 am
-

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer. The husband puts, "Mypenis," and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

OrangeCrush

CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 20 Dec 2003
Posts: 20147
Location: In heaven

2000

Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 12:36 am
-

LMAOOO you guys are on a roll!!! Keep 'em coming!!!

Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."

The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"

win4maw
CC Best Buddy

Gender:

Joined: 26 Jan 2004
Posts: 12518
Location: Pittsburgh, PA, USA

2000

Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 12:44 am
-

Girl: "Hey, what's up?"
Boy: "If I tell you, will you sit on it?"

Goto page Previous 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 Next

Jump to:

Topic		Author	Forum	Replies
Similar Topics
	August 2015 All Things August Contest CLOSED Wed Sep 02, 2015 6:00 pm	OrangeCrush	Past Contests / Winners	118
	August, 2015 LUU Contest CLOSED Mon Sep 07, 2015 3:13 pm	OrangeCrush	Past Contests / Winners	22
	August, 2015, Featured Game Contest CLOSED Wed Sep 02, 2015 5:58 pm	OrangeCrush	Past Contests / Winners	21
	August, 2015 Bingo Marathon Contest CLOSED Tue Sep 01, 2015 8:09 pm	OrangeCrush	Past Contests / Winners	112
	August, 2015 Total Game Points Contest CLOSED Thu Sep 03, 2015 4:49 pm	OrangeCrush	Past Contests / Winners	18
	August, 2015 Rhyme Your Numbers CLOSED Wed Sep 02, 2015 5:50 pm	OrangeCrush	Past Contests / Winners	71
	November 2015 LUU Contest CLOSED Wed Dec 09, 2015 10:20 pm	OrangeCrush	Past Contests / Winners	23
	Dec 2015, Featured Game Contest CLOSED Sun Jan 03, 2016 4:24 am	OrangeCrush	Past Contests / Winners	28
	Dec 2015 Bingo Marathon Contest CLOSED Tue Dec 29, 2015 11:17 pm	OrangeCrush	Past Contests / Winners	95
	Nov 2015, Featured Game Contest CLOSED Tue Dec 08, 2015 11:41 pm	OrangeCrush	Past Contests / Winners	35